Love Your Patients!TM
Humor! (Check in here regularly for stories and anecdotes!) (Click here for a funny mammogram story!)
Have you received this in email yet? These are very cute!
1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the
back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
2) HONESTY My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me
he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in
the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom
and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming
little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, case it fell in the toilet a
few days ago."
3) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a
note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are
not necessarily those of his parents."
4) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the
phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting
5) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement
and the n asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy
6) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary
school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I answered and continued
writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.
Is that right? "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she
extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
7) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front
of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?"
he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said," What'd he do?"
8) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She
was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly
the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of
false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of
questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never
9) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When
she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache
the next morning."
10) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that
proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton
batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The
minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity
intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto
the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."
11) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm
just wasting my time," she said to her mother . "I can't read, I can't write and
they won't let me talk!"
12) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He
picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had
been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found," the boy called
out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice,
he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."
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