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National "LYP" Day!
Scott Diering, MD
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> >
> > I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi!
>I'm Belinda!"
> >
> > This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to
> one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right
> > hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this gown. Everything
> >
> > I'm thinking, "Belinda--try decaf. This ain't rocket science."
> >
> > Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
> >
> > Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a
> > perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60
> > seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything
> >'s Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a
>cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.
> >
> > With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the
>left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad
>so we can get everything?"
> >
> > Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not
>use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?
> >
> > My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other
>boob wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when we heard,
>ssssssssssszzzzzzzzzzz then I felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power
>went off! "What?" I yelled.
> >
> > "Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for
>the door.
> >
> > "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" I
> >
> > Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy ... the door's wide
>open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt backkkk."
> >
> > Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how
>Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and
>part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed
>between glass!
> > After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings,
> > Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the
>power was off.
> >
> > Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as
> > possible.
> > "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."
> >
> > "You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been
>standing in the line at the grocery store.
> >
> > Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making
>no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry! The
>power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to
>lunch. Are we upset?"
> >
> > And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the
> > clamps........



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Last modified: 02/23/10